On the chair.

Well, "Pikachu" leads me to post this. What he wrote inspires me to blog again. At such a time. Everyone was having their hard time. Nothing is easy as we know.

Something is wrong with me. I've never felt so lost, complicated, worried and disappointed as now before. I dont know what to say, just that I dont know what's going on with me. I'm afraid. Afraid that I cant even pass this semester. Studies are not hard, assignments are not hard, just that when everything is clogged together, worst things happen.

Two days ago, was my final design crit. The day before was the pin-up day. Really thankful and appreciate my classmates for always ready to help and back me up no matter how sucks am I. That day, yiteng helped me to think the space planning for my design and yeah I just draw it on my board instantly. What surprise me was he didn't said a second word after I requested him to think for me. I'm shocked, then he was just, "Yan!! Yan!!" The tone like, you can do better. I know I know. I was actlly just kidding that time. But he straight away get a paper and narrate for me. The yiteng last time would definitely not doing this for anyone. People change, problem is towards the positive or negative side.

As expected, the crit turned out to be horrible. Being the person behind Parsa, is even worse. I saw him presenting, I feel like digging a grave and jump into it. I was being shot and criticized. What hurt me was not what she said, but myself. I was really................down that time. I dont even bother to speak a word. I'm tired.

Finish about that, yesterday while chatting with him, I was pissed because whatever I did, he just want to relate me and xx. I dont know why am I pissed, I just not very happy bout it. Is it because I still have feelings towards him? I'm seriously bothered by this issue. Can someone help me to get rid of this?

p.s. Searching for remedy.

Impatient

When someone is obviously doing way better than you and say, "I'm worry bla bla bla". I think u wanna kena slap is it?

Can someone just tear me apart and see the inside of me.

I'm exhausted too sometimes.

p.s. Mentally not so fine. 我要睡觉，可以吗？

I dont wanna see anymore. Everytime I see posts like that, i'm scared, deep inside my heart.

Text again.

Well, someone found my hiding place here ady. Cant really post like everything ady. haha. but well, thanks for telling me though, so that i'll know what stupid stuffs that I cant share here. LOL
And 1 more thing, i wonder how frequent will you click on my url and visit here again. Hahahaha

Anyways, today's focus was about the movie & the dinner. Seriously I dont mind to watch Ah Boys to Men2 for another time. It's quite funny and nice though. And some part of the movie did make me feel so touched and at the same time, humorous as well. I want to download this and watch again! XDD

Then we had dinner. Gossip girls time again. haha. and yeah. red velvet cake @ Delicious taste just nice~! xD

I guess that's all. Lazy to think anymore. Ciaoz. 

It's raining and i'm crying. TT

Cry no tears

Suddenly I dunno what feeling I should have right now. I'm just sucks in everything. Each time I'm so disappointed with myself yet no improvement is taken. I guess no one could be worse than me.

So simple yet so complicated.

The same thing, feelings, thoughts kept repeating and repeating and i'm so sick of it already. Always tell myself to forget it and move on, but failed everytime. I please myself to walk out. Please.

Everyone is being tough for their own story. I have mine. Do not enter.

Lazy to talk to ppl like tht. Zzzzz Want to tell then tell, don't want to tell then DONT SAY! -.-

The smile kills me every single shot. OMG like seriously! I shall stop looking by now. LOL

The only reason to be grateful for the start of new semester is that I set myself in the busy mood and stop thinking about all these nonsense that will put me into emo-ness. Clear enough.

I dont want to hate you. Seriously! #$%^&*!

Chi ma gan

Part 2

Here comes the 2nd story. I knew this girl like during the lat few days of our work. Not really know though, just name and stuffs. I admit I have prejudice towards her after what she said the other day. == Wherever she's there, no matter in AD or BIZ, I won't be there to help out Carson or ah thong. Not that I dont like her, just that complicated feeling that I dont want see her. So bitchy right, I meant me. == yeah I know.

I know she is cute, polite(as what ah tong said), 18 years old. So what? == And this is the 2nd 926 that I mentioned in twitter before (if you followed me). Is it a karma or something? I was really speechless REALLY(!) when I found out this. Com'on, my lord do you need to fool me in such a way? Past and present. If you know what I meant. Please! I beg you, no more in my future please. Give me a 926 guy instead! But dont come a gay later. lol

Lai said I'm jealous. LOL i'm........not? arghh I dont know. I choose not to confess not because I afraid I got rejected. No big deal about it. It's because I dont want any relationship. I am selfish in that manner. I'm not that kind with play play type, I want a long relationship, probably towards marriage? Stay single, away from troubles. Well said. I'm happy to be single though. :)

Another thing, they said I'm too man. Well, I'm just doing things that nobody wanna do. I'm alone there, impossible if you want me to wait a real guy to help me carry boxes right? Speaking of this, I'm a bit(just abit) frust that day when the guy didn't even have the intention to help me carry those heavy boxes while all he did was waiting me to carry to him and he arranged the books. Com'on, are you a man?! I doubt that ==

#BBW, starting of my brotherhood. Thanks to yy for promoting. lol

It came to an end.

BBW is over once again 3 days ago. So many things happened in these 22days. Let's start with the 1st setup day. 6.30am work. To help setting up the tables, putting books on, arranged them bla bla bla. We did for children section. Hell damn lots of books, like seriously. You know, kid's books. Lol. The next 2 days were about the same thing.

Thursday 6/12, the preview day for the booksale. Launching and stuffs like that. 2000 people get to come in and do their shopping before the other thousands do. I'm in charged of the cookery section. I just dont understand why the management dont just separate the team according to section for the setup, cz I really had some hard time finding books for the customers for the first few days. sigh. So after the preview day, here comes the mission 63hours, where the booksale is running nonstop on Friday, Saturday and only closed on Sunday night. Crazy isn't it? For me, definitely. The crowd is HUGE! you have no time to replenish or arranging the books properly. Imagine thousands of ppl were there and the tables were seriously like pasar malam lelong cz everything is messed up terribly! I was so ..... speechless. And for the 3 days I'm in the midnight shift. 

I really dont understand those who came for books there. All educated human but behave like monkeys. Take everything but at the end just dumped whatever dont want EVERYWHERE! Pity us the crew who need to sort out the 'trash' according to the sections and spoilt thousand of books. ==
Flip books also can cause damages. How the hell on earth la they flip it? I really dont understand. And want to take a good condition book, dig deep deep but not putting the 'hole' back. COM'ON!! Actually all the books that everyone searching for is there if everyone behave nicely, not causing any mess. Seriously! Ended up some customers leave with disappointed. 

Working in the cookery section is indeed a fun thing actlly. Besides drooling seeing the yummy food pictures in the midnight, super heavy cookery books(hard cover), memory game placing back the books, 14 tables which is so far from the 1st table to the 14th, everything is just fine. Haha. Talking about my section, I actlly do have a leader and other 2 teammates. But.....haih. my leader is the one who kaki snake. 1st few days still a good leader(at least I can still see him around). But after 3days, I only saw him when clock in time and meal time. LOL Not complaining, he's a good guy though. :) The other 2 girls, always go to other section to find their friends. == Only me there so stupid working alone for 14tables, doing works that nobody want to do. Can find me 24/7 at cookery btw. But seriously, not to compliment myself, but I'm not the type that can simply let go something assigned without getting it done. That's my integrity I guess? :)

Thank god, I have my own 'army' who will constantly helped me out when they have nothing to do. Some said a lot of ppl came to cookery section just to 'touch' books cz the books here are already tidy in that manner. lol Somehow, really appreciate them to even just hang around so that I can leave that place for a second. While Architecture & Design(AD) section is just beside cookery which is a bonus. Haha. Always ran there with yy to catch up with Carson. Helped him arranging books, while the actual purpose is to sneakpeak some new titles for ourselves. HAHA

Overall, I bought 50 books in this booksale. My godness == The archi books is extremely CHEAP! Where on earth can you find such a deal if not in bbw?? Outside cost around Rm200+, I just bought with 25bucks. Like seriously. == And some other self help + business + Non fiction books. 30% of the books I bought are those unwanted books that those ppl threw at my section. I flipped over, found that it's interesting and bought them home. haha

It's another unforgettable working experience for me. Meeting lots of nice friends, doing something I never did before and just no regret signing up for this although it's damn bloody tired. It's finally over after start counting days since the 1st weeks. Time flies and life is still going despite doomsday never come. I'm glad that I lived my life! Peace. :)

p.s. Sorry for the boring text~ 

Or maybe I simply feel protected beside him? I dont know.

20.12.2012

Such a nice date although it's already 1am. Just in case tmr is really the doomsday, let's complete a last post here.

I seriously thought that the day is on 22/12 until someone mentioned it today during dinner break. LOL why you tell me??? adui.. Anyway, no regret ady la. At least a last dinner together. xD

Just saw the pic. Another 1. Hey girl! let go your hand. I din even take a solo pic with him b4. == but they all are not a threat to me. hahahah lol

p.s. What a surprise that suddenly got these 2 friends(different group) told me that I had my kind of good smell. I was like, ''what??'' == hahaha
p.p.s. I unexpectedly did something in Den's car. adui. malu shit. And I found tht he's quite cute also. so my type~~ hihi *evil smile* too bad ppl got gf ady.. haha

Fuck lo. Dont touch him! I'm watching you!!

The one.

You can remember the thing about the person you concern of even with only just a glance. :)