I'm fucking not feeling great now.
Too much things to say but no one to spill to.
Many things happened at once, i'm feeling stupid for having low EQ.
I almost cry just now by just a simple stupid thg.
I tried my very best to ignore anything.
I want to stay away, far away.

Would you willing to be my listener?

We lasted the conversation for quite some time, until that name came out. Am I too sensitive or what? I wonder if you ever feel the lil' depression behind every 'haha'?

I want the old me. The one who doesn't give a fuck on anything.

I feel so restricted to post on my own blog.

UBAH ! UBAH ! UBAH !

That's the common hot shout out that we'd been heard for the past few weeks.
First of all to stress, below are just my opinion and thoughts. If any conditions that we have different thoughts or feeling, ignore it and move on.

GE13, lots of dramas that we'd seen, on the social media. So far I did not share any because I personally do not 100% believe on the 'rumors' therefore doesn't want to make things worse. Bangla, blackout, chinese tsunami bla bla bla.

Well the bangla thing we really saw through photos that they really appeared at the election place. Fake I/C photos on fb, but i would want to say that these could be photoshop. Again, I'm NOT on any sides. I support those who can bring positive development to our country. Maybe IF Lim G.E is the PR head, I would fully support PR. Because what he contributed for Penang, we can all SEE and that's a very healthy society. No matter who is from which side, if what he did is correct, I think the others leader should implement them as well, take away the egoism. Indelible ink was bullshit.

And then the Janji Pakatan Rakyat, to free this and free that, i mean like no need pay for toll, ptptn, harga minyak, etc etc. My concern is if you free everything to the people, from where do you want to get money to administrate the country? Ok well, I know there's some place in the world that gives free education and bla bla bla. lazy to elaborate more. But if suddenly you want to implement such drastic changes, you are putting our country in a huge risk.

And yesterday, there's no blackout in Bentong. "经查证，文冬昨晚没有停电。本页关于的停电的贴文，将删除",  by 颜江瀚. Everyone believes whatever being shared and caused the blackout rumors spread hell wide. No evidence, everyone believes. And started the black profile pic, in my opinion should put white. Dunno, but i think white is more appropriate. And today, comes the yellow 3 stripes.

I agree with the doubts that happened. E.g the figures/statistics of seats won. That's why I went to spr website to look at the statistics. Your site FAIL bro. So complicated and mafan that I closed it cz fed up ady. But when you win, you dont say? If you noticed the votes, seats taken by Pakatan seriously have won through huge majority votes. And Pas was very bad and merely wins. DAP gained my respect btw, bcz of Lim G.E. Clap for you.

I wanna share one thing here.
With the caption, "大家敢敢share!!
這是證據！！

96年出世的一個老阿婆！！
我去查了！
竟然有得去投票！！
什麽道理！！
敢敢share出去！！！！！！！！！！" 

The truth is, she was born in 1986. Any problem? No, but being spreaddddddd as though as fraud IC.

The power of social media. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=626201797409098&set=a.480290442000235.121893.440188876010392&type=1&relevant_count=1

I dont discuss this publicly with friends because I know everyone is at pakatan side. They will just say, Hey bodoh la you support bn. you still want them to rule ah? bl bla bla.. It's too obvious cz 100% my fb page are bn's negative news. Again, I'm party-free. I just want to voice out that DO NOT BELIEVE EVERYTHING on fb, some might be real as well. But think rationally, if bangla dont do those jobs that you dont want to do, who do? Do you want Bersih rally again? I dont. Demonstration is not Malaysian style. Writing and spamming on Obama's page is so immature I would say. The outside force will take opportunity to weaken us and we might never sounded again in any international conferences, but well, although Malaysia never been put in any country's eyes aso. And hey I dont think Obama have time for this. I even saw comments that, that stupid guy want us back to be colonized. Com'on I feel like giving 10 face palm to him with a table. Some people are blindly brainwashed by the social media. Have you seen any negative news of the opposition on fb? Because of party, some of good bn candidates lose, being washed off of what he had done for the past 5 years. People vote because of party, the hope that they said.

Re-election is the best method for me. But this time I guarantee bn will lose kaw kaw. A friendly reminder, please do not share false propaganda. Do not share blindly, click into it and read the comments. Analyse. Do not flame something that you are unsure of. Chinese tsunami I not dont  have time to update myself yet, so not commenting here.

Finally, let me end this in Malay language. Sungguh memalukan yang menjadi bahan ketawa di mata duna. Ini kalilah, kita popular sekali!

I'm writing this because I am a concern citizen. As Melvin said, stay united, stay focused. Steady lah. Again, I strongly against any demonstration. I still have things to said, but enough la. Nanti kena boikot pula. lol Just sharing guys. If mm ngam teng then delete this memory.

- I'm a Chinese and I'm racist towards typical Chinese. If you admit you are typical, yeah I'm saying you.

p.s: Here if you are concern, an article worth to share. https://www.facebook.com/notes/shern-ren-tee/in-darkest-night-a-blueprint-for-sunrise/142290832622751 Peace.

知道他们的东西，我很烦。

彼此在提对方，我在意。

看到他们在一起, 我没感觉。

讨厌自己那么犯贱。

I'm typical too, sometimes. 

On the chair.

Well, "Pikachu" leads me to post this. What he wrote inspires me to blog again. At such a time. Everyone was having their hard time. Nothing is easy as we know.

Something is wrong with me. I've never felt so lost, complicated, worried and disappointed as now before. I dont know what to say, just that I dont know what's going on with me. I'm afraid. Afraid that I cant even pass this semester. Studies are not hard, assignments are not hard, just that when everything is clogged together, worst things happen.

Two days ago, was my final design crit. The day before was the pin-up day. Really thankful and appreciate my classmates for always ready to help and back me up no matter how sucks am I. That day, yiteng helped me to think the space planning for my design and yeah I just draw it on my board instantly. What surprise me was he didn't said a second word after I requested him to think for me. I'm shocked, then he was just, "Yan!! Yan!!" The tone like, you can do better. I know I know. I was actlly just kidding that time. But he straight away get a paper and narrate for me. The yiteng last time would definitely not doing this for anyone. People change, problem is towards the positive or negative side.

As expected, the crit turned out to be horrible. Being the person behind Parsa, is even worse. I saw him presenting, I feel like digging a grave and jump into it. I was being shot and criticized. What hurt me was not what she said, but myself. I was really................down that time. I dont even bother to speak a word. I'm tired.

Finish about that, yesterday while chatting with him, I was pissed because whatever I did, he just want to relate me and xx. I dont know why am I pissed, I just not very happy bout it. Is it because I still have feelings towards him? I'm seriously bothered by this issue. Can someone help me to get rid of this?

p.s. Searching for remedy.

Impatient

When someone is obviously doing way better than you and say, "I'm worry bla bla bla". I think u wanna kena slap is it?

Can someone just tear me apart and see the inside of me.

I'm exhausted too sometimes.

p.s. Mentally not so fine. 我要睡觉，可以吗？

I dont wanna see anymore. Everytime I see posts like that, i'm scared, deep inside my heart.

Text again.

Well, someone found my hiding place here ady. Cant really post like everything ady. haha. but well, thanks for telling me though, so that i'll know what stupid stuffs that I cant share here. LOL
And 1 more thing, i wonder how frequent will you click on my url and visit here again. Hahahaha

Anyways, today's focus was about the movie & the dinner. Seriously I dont mind to watch Ah Boys to Men2 for another time. It's quite funny and nice though. And some part of the movie did make me feel so touched and at the same time, humorous as well. I want to download this and watch again! XDD

Then we had dinner. Gossip girls time again. haha. and yeah. red velvet cake @ Delicious taste just nice~! xD

I guess that's all. Lazy to think anymore. Ciaoz. 

It's raining and i'm crying. TT

Cry no tears

Suddenly I dunno what feeling I should have right now. I'm just sucks in everything. Each time I'm so disappointed with myself yet no improvement is taken. I guess no one could be worse than me.

So simple yet so complicated.

The same thing, feelings, thoughts kept repeating and repeating and i'm so sick of it already. Always tell myself to forget it and move on, but failed everytime. I please myself to walk out. Please.

Everyone is being tough for their own story. I have mine. Do not enter.

Lazy to talk to ppl like tht. Zzzzz Want to tell then tell, don't want to tell then DONT SAY! -.-

The smile kills me every single shot. OMG like seriously! I shall stop looking by now. LOL

The only reason to be grateful for the start of new semester is that I set myself in the busy mood and stop thinking about all these nonsense that will put me into emo-ness. Clear enough.

I dont want to hate you. Seriously! #$%^&*!

Chi ma gan

Part 2

Here comes the 2nd story. I knew this girl like during the lat few days of our work. Not really know though, just name and stuffs. I admit I have prejudice towards her after what she said the other day. == Wherever she's there, no matter in AD or BIZ, I won't be there to help out Carson or ah thong. Not that I dont like her, just that complicated feeling that I dont want see her. So bitchy right, I meant me. == yeah I know.

I know she is cute, polite(as what ah tong said), 18 years old. So what? == And this is the 2nd 926 that I mentioned in twitter before (if you followed me). Is it a karma or something? I was really speechless REALLY(!) when I found out this. Com'on, my lord do you need to fool me in such a way? Past and present. If you know what I meant. Please! I beg you, no more in my future please. Give me a 926 guy instead! But dont come a gay later. lol

Lai said I'm jealous. LOL i'm........not? arghh I dont know. I choose not to confess not because I afraid I got rejected. No big deal about it. It's because I dont want any relationship. I am selfish in that manner. I'm not that kind with play play type, I want a long relationship, probably towards marriage? Stay single, away from troubles. Well said. I'm happy to be single though. :)

Another thing, they said I'm too man. Well, I'm just doing things that nobody wanna do. I'm alone there, impossible if you want me to wait a real guy to help me carry boxes right? Speaking of this, I'm a bit(just abit) frust that day when the guy didn't even have the intention to help me carry those heavy boxes while all he did was waiting me to carry to him and he arranged the books. Com'on, are you a man?! I doubt that ==

#BBW, starting of my brotherhood. Thanks to yy for promoting. lol